The teacher asked young Malcolm: “What do you do at Christmas time?”

Malcolm addressed the class: “Well Miss Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Santa Claus to come with all our toys.”

“Very nice Malcolm,” she said. “Now Jimmy, what do you do at Christmas?”

“Well, Miss Jones, my sister and I also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Realizing there were Jewish boys in the class and not wanting to leave them out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, Miss Jones, it’s the same thing every year – Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'”

“Then we all get on Dad’s jet and fly to the Bahamas.”

One Liner
I considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.

Thought for the day
“The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything and make you remember all that I have told you” (John 14:26 GNT).

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth” (John 16:13a NIV).

In these two verses, Jesus says the Holy Spirit does three things in our lives: He teaches us, reminds us, and guides us. In other words, he takes the logos and turns it into rhema. It’s called illumination, and it’s his duty.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

One Liner
What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

Thought for the day
Colossians 1:9
Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

It is so important for us to pray for others. What better prayer than the one that Paul prayed for the Colossian friends he had never met — “I ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” Pray that for others today.

Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.

Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.

One night Billy read: “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear…”
“A bear?” my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
“We don’t have a bear in our manger,” 5-year-old Timmy said.
“Here, use mine,” offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.
Then Billy continued to read: “… a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”

One Liner
One Sunday evening, I overheard my five-year-old daughter, Julie, practicing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” a song she’d been rehearsing that morning in church for next week’s Christmas program. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter when, in place of “with angelic host proclaim,” Julie sang, “with the jelly toast proclaim.”

Thought for the day
Psalm 95:1-2
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

Joy knows no better explanation than laughter and song. We sing to the Lord because we are joyful! Our music is not inhibited or held back, but exuberant and as full of sound as it is of heart.

A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the banner company.

The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway.

The sign came back a few days later: . .   “Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide.”

One LINER
A lot of people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

Thought for the day
Gift of service: Warm a cold heart with a warm blanket. Price: $35.

Gift of encouragement: Take flowers to a friend battling cancer. Price: $50.

Gift of leadership: Lead a group into a terrain they have never traveled before. Price of gas and lunch for 20: $300.

Gift of Christ to your next-door neighbor: Priceless.

Christmas is spiritual, full of gifts and gift giving. Let’s not forget to give the gift of Christ to someone this Christmas. It’s priceless.

A little boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. His mother told him they did not have any money for a bike. But she told him if he would tell Jesus what a good boy he would be may be Jesus would allow him to have one. The little boy sat down to write Jesus a letter.

As he began the letter…”Dear Jesus I will be good for one year…” He scribbled that out and wrote, “Dear Jesus I will be good for one month…” Then he scribbled that out and wrote, “Dear Jesus I will be good for one whole week….” In his disgust he tore up the paper and went for a walk.

As he walked he passed by the local church were there was a Nativity scene. He began to run as fast as he could and, when he passed by the figure of Mary, grabbed her up and ran home.

He ran in the front door and to his room. There he began a new letter that started…”Dear Jesus if you ever want to see your mother again…”

One LINER  
The best cure for shaking knees is to kneel on them.

Thought for the day 
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

God’s Word helps us find our way in a dark world of competing voices and lights our path in these times so given to despair.

A four-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited … and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the broccoli, won’t he know that I’m lying?”

One LINER
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Thought for the day  
He saved us and he called us to be his own people, not because of what we have done, but because of his own purpose and grace. 2 Timothy 1:9 (TEV)

The Bible also teaches that Jesus came to save you for something. God has a purpose and a plan for your life; he created you for a specific mission.

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. “If you get a train,” I would tell each one, “you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?”

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, “Another train.”

One LINER
Q: Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A: Rude-olph.

Thought for the day  
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? Romans 7:24 (MSG)

God never wastes energy. He doesn’t waste effort on things that are unnecessary. In other words, if you didn’t need a Savior, he wouldn’t have sent one. The very fact that God sent a Savior means you need one.

TOP 5 THINGS OVERHEAD ON THE WISE MEN’S JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM

5. You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem.

4. What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow?  Phoenician?

3. Hey, do you either of you know why “MYRRH” is spelled with a “Y” instead of a “U”?

2. Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?

1. Whaddya mean we’ll be part of history?  A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this.

One LINER
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.

Thought for the day   
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)

God gives you what you need, not what you deserve. Grace is when God says, “I’m going to take your problem and make it my problem.” Grace is God’s Riches given to you At Christ’s Expense.

CHURCH SIGN

A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the sign company.

The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway.

The sign came back a few days later… “Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide.”

One LINER
Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Thought for the day
“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17 (NLT)

What God tells Jehoshaphat in this passage, and what he would remind us today, is this: “The battle is not yours; it’s mine. You don’t have to fight in it.”

In other words, it’s God’s problem. Let him solve it.