A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly.
One morning at breakfast she mentioned, “On Friday we’re having a quiz on the moon.”
Her little brother piped up: “Are you gonna let her go, Mom??”
One Liner
A full year of experience takes a full year of experience.
Thought for the day
Know how to maintain your priorities (Luke 4:42–44) — Jesus knew how to handle interruptions without being distracted from his primary goal.
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. “Worker ants,” she told them, “can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?”
One child was ready with the answer: “They don’t have a union.”
One Liner
“One is given strength to bear what happens to one, but not the one hundred and one different things that might happen.” – C. S. Lewis
Thought for the day
The Bible says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …” (1 John 4:18 NIV). God is love, and the more you fill your life with God, the less fear you are going to have.
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
One Liner
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out — plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG)
Have you been acting as if God is totally unaware of your faults? The truth is, God know your faults and failures, but he still loves you unconditionally.
A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in a motel. The husband said that he’d like to camp. To calm her concerns, he suggested they talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be.
The ranger told them, “Well, we haven’t seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter.”
The wife shrieked, “There are TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?”
The ranger replied, “Well, that’s easy — see, if the bear chases you up a tree and it comes up after you, it’s a BLACK bear. If it SHAKES the tree until you fall out, it’s a grizzly.”
The motel room was quite nice.
One Liner
Don’t bother me; I’m living happily ever after
Thought for the day
“Don’t worry about anything …” Philippians 4:6a (LB)
We like to think that worry works for us. It reminds us what needs to get done or it motivates us to get to the next step. But the truth of the matter is this: worry works on us; it doesn’t work for us. It will steal life and create relational difficulties. Until we get something that works better than worry, we are going to keep worrying.
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence: “I think I’d throw up.”
One Liner
Help someone when they are in trouble and he will remember you when he’s in trouble again.
Thought for the day
“We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NCV)
Here’s the secret to temptation: Don’t fight it. Just refocus. Whatever you resist persists.
My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!” After a while, I figured out how to stop them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!
One Liner
Children are natural mimics – they act like us in spite of all our attempts to teach them good manners.
Thought for the day
Philippians 4:6-7 describes the attitude you should have when you listen to God’s voice. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (NLT).
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not very good at counting money and adding up figures.
“Where did you get your finance education?” he asked.
“Yale,” replied the lad.
“Oh, that’s quite impressive. And what’s your name?” barked the manager.
“Yim Yohnston,” he replied.
One Liner
Have you ever noticed…. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Thought for the day
Becoming like Christ is a long, slow process of growth. Spiritual maturity is neither instant nor automatic; it is a gradual, progressive development that will take the rest of your life.
Referring to this process, Paul said, “This will continue until we are … mature, just as Christ is, and we will be completely like him” (Ephesians 4:13 CEV).
If your wife doesn’t feel well, gentlemen, do what I do to speed her recovery … offer to help with the housework. If you don’t think there’s such a thing as a miracle recovery, you ought to see my wife get well again every time I start to vacuum the windows.
One Liner
“No one is useless to God. No one.” – Max Lucado
Thought for the day
I have given them Your Word … John 17:14 (NIV)
You will spare your kids a lot of headaches, heartaches, and heartbreaks if you teach them to rely on God’s Word as the sole authority for their lives
Dr. Mike Wilson asks his patient, “Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?”
The patient replies, “Give me the good news.”
Dr. Wilson says, “You’re about to have a disease named after you.”
One Liner
“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that’s what he said.”
Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will LIVE FOR CHRIST joyfully: “I pray these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13, GW).
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