One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib.  Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. He would stand back, shake his head and say, “Amazing,” while smiling from ear to ear.

Touched by his unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, her eyes glistened as she slipped her arms around him.

“A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

“Isn’t it amazing!” he replied.  “When you take the time and really look close, how can anyone make a crib like that for only $39.99!”

One Liner
I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.

Thought for the day
“Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now.” (Proverbs 3:28 TEV).

Servants are always on the lookout for ways to help others. When they see a need, they seize the moment to meet it. 

Throughout the centuries, mothers have been giving their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here’s just a small sampling:  (part 2)

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”

HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!”

BARNEY’S MOTHER: “I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you’re starting to look a little purple.”

BATMAN’S MOTHER: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?”

GOLDILOCKS’ MOTHER: “I’ve got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?”

LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be a lot more spiders around here!”

JONAH’S MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve really been for the last three days.”

SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”

MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”

One Liner
“Pumpkin Math”

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by it’s diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi

Thought for the day
“Now you belong to him . . . in order that you might be useful in the service of God” (Romans 7:4 TEV).

Your call to salvation included your call to service. They are the same. Regardless of your job or career, you are called to full-time Christian service. A “non-serving Christian” is a contradiction in terms.

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:
“I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.”

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

“I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. . . Lead us not into temptation.”

One LINER
Most people don’t make the same mistake twice. They make it three or four times.

Thought for the day
“But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is!” (Romans 1:19 MSG)

Truth can be discovered, but first we have to have an attitude of openness that says, “I want the truth more than anything else.” Once you choose that attitude, you can discover the truth.

Teacher (frustrated): “Look at this paper. How could one person make so many mistakes?”

Student (defensive): “It wasn’t one person – my dad helped!”

One LINER
After thousands of years, we have advanced to the point where we bolt our doors and windows and turn on our burglar alarms, while the jungle natives sleep in open-door huts…

Thought for the day
“A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t and even brags about it!” (Proverbs 13:16 LB).

Too often, many of our problems arise from acting before thinking. We confuse activity with productivity. We think, “I’m so busy, I must be accomplishing something!” In reality, we may just be spinning our wheels.

Work Confusion

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks.

The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn’t understand what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, “I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what on earth are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the city workers explained, “The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today.”

One LINER   
“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns

Thought for the day
Psalm 34:1
“I will praise the Lord at all times.”

In the good, bad, ugly, sun, rain, dark, light, sad, glad, mountain top, valley, night, sickness, health, snow, hail, at all times!!  I’m praising Him today!!

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “Why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t approve.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.

Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him.”

One LINER   
When everything’s coming your way, You’re in the wrong lane.

Thought for the day 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

We are God’s temple! He lives in us and what we do in our bodies is part of our worship to Him. We are called to glorify God in our bodies.

Cross Country Move

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?”

“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him.

“Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted.

“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” I quipped.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”

One LINER
Have a nice day…someplace else!

Thought for the day 
My eyes are ever on the Lord …. Psalm 25:15

My eyes are ever on the Lord – not on power, prestige, possessions or pleasure!

Mother’s Dictionary 

Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Sterilize: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

Verbal: able to whine in words

Weekend: when Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.

One Liner
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie

Thought for the day
But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:7–8 (NCV)

Authentic fellowship is not superficial, surface-level chit-chat. It’s genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level, sharing.

There was a college student trying to earn some pocket money by going from house to house offering to do odd jobs.  He explained this to a man who answered one door.

“How much will you charge to paint my porch?” asked the man.

“Forty dollars.”

“Fine” said the man, and gave the student the paint and brushes.

Three hours later the paint-splattered lad knocked on the door again.

“All done!”, he says, and collects his money.  “By the way,” the student says, “That’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari.”

One Liner
“Anger is only one letter short of danger.”

Thought for the day
It is he who saved us and chose us for his holy work, not because we deserved it but because that was his plan. 2 Timothy 1:9 LB

You were saved to serve God. God redeemed you so you could do his “holy work.” You’re not saved by service, but you are saved for service. In God’s kingdom, you have a place, a purpose, a role, and a function to fulfill. This gives your life great significance and value.

The Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn: There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn: Standing On The Promises
The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I May See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send Out Thy Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet By And By

One Liner
How do you throw away your old garbage cans?

Thought for the day
…worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.   (1 Chronicles 16:29)

He is worthy of worship. He is the Creator of the world. There is no other name above His name.  Has there been a time in your life when you let something else take first place in your life? (i.e., power, prestige, pleasure, pay check, etc.)