Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. “I’m shocked!”  he complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”

“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

One Liner
So I was having lunch with Bobby Fischer, the former world chess champion, and the table had a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass the salt.

Thought for the day
“We are each responsible for our own conduct”  Galatians 6:5 NLT

There are three types of people in the world: accusers, excusers, and choosers.
Accusers are people who go around blaming everybody else for their problems.

Excusers don’t blame others. They just make up excuses for why they don’t do more with their lives and why they’re not happy.

God wants you to be a chooser. He wants you to accept responsibility for your life.

THINGS A MOM DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR

~ I swallowed a goldfish.

~ Your lipstick works better than crayons.

~ Does grape juice leave a stain?

~ Look, I painted the front door!

~ The principal called…

~ But DAD says that word all the time.

~ What’s it cost to fix a window?

~ The dog doesn’t like dressing up in your clothes.

~ Has anyone seen my pet snake???

~ I’m going to run away!!  (Well, maybe SOME day…)

One Liner
The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn’t getting enough sleep.

Thought for the day
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” Psalm 90:12 NIV

Notice that time management must be taught. Most of us are not naturally good at it. We naturally waste time. We naturally fritter it away on things that don’t matter.  We must learn how to use our time wisely.

The shipwrecked sailor had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “With the captain’s compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”

One Liner
The first person to make a mountain out of a molehill was probably a real estate agent.

Thought for the day
“We can choose the sounds we want to listen to; we can choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right. But first of all we must define among ourselves what is good” Job 34:3-4 TLB

It’s amazing to me that most people have never done this. They go through their entire lives having never taken the time to define what matters most to them—to literally sit down and write out their values. They’ve never said, “This is what is good, and this is what is bad. This is what I want out of life, and this is what I don’t want.”  Why write it down?

13-year-old Dewey spent a beautiful Saturday and Sunday indoors playing video games.

His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

One Liner
Forget the health food.  I need all the preservatives I can get

Thought for the day
“According to your faith let it be done to you”  Matthew 9:29 NIV

Faith is a factor in how you manage your time. Even setting goals is a matter of faith. You have to believe that God will help you.

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

“Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.

“Aw, Dad, it’s probably okay,” the son said.  “The police car right behind us just did the same thing.”

One Liner
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

Thought for the day
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13 ESV

You’re either going to be mastered by the clock, or you’re going to master it. And the only way you can truly master it is with the help of Christ, who gives you strength

When I first started college, the Dean came in and said “Good Morning” to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded, “Ah, you’re Freshmen.”

Then he explained:

“When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, they’re Freshmen.

“When they put their smart phones down and open their books, they’re Sophomores.

“When they look up so they can see the who’s talking from their smart phones, they’re juniors.

“When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they’re seniors.

“And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, they’re graduate students.”

One Liner
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

Thought for the day
“We are each responsible for our own conduct” Galatians 6:5 NLT

Your choices are far more powerful than your circumstances. You may not like how complicated your life has become. But with few exceptions, no one is forcing you to keep your life complicated.

You have the power to simplify your life. In fact, God expects us to assume responsibility for our lives and to carefully choose how we spend our time.