Monthly Archives: July 2017

Humor – July 24

A doctor wrote about an epitaph he had seen in a local cemetery:

“In memory of my father: gone to join his appendix, his tonsils, his olfactory nerve, a kidney, an eardrum, and a leg prematurely removed by an intern who needed the experience.

One Liner
“What’s the use of having ignorance if you can’t show it?” – Lou Costello

Thought for the day
“[A]nd let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.” Hebrews 12:1c (NLT)

You are supposed to run the race God has set for you. Not the race you set for yourself, not the race other people set for you, and not the race culture sets for you. You only run the race God has set for you. If you try to run any other course, you are going to fail and get discouraged. 

 

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Humor – July 21

A American family took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec.

When he awoke, he looked out his window at the highway signs – now in French – and said in a worried tone, “I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep.”

One Liner
I thank my lucky stars I’m not superstitious!

Thought for the day
“May God, the source of hope, fill you with joy and peace through your faith in him. Then you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13

God is the only source of hope that’ll never disappoint. When we place our faith in him, he provides joy, peace, and hope that overflows.

 

Humor – July 20

A father of five young children won a toy at Toys R Us.  Back home, he called his kids together to let them determine which one should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?”

Five small voices answered in unison: “You, Daddy!”

One Liner
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?

Thought for the day
LORD, I remember your judgments from long ago and find comfort. Psalm 119:52

These things the psalmist called to remembrance, and revolved them in his mind, which gave him pleasure and comfort. Let us do the same!

Humor – July 19

When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. “Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?” she asked.

Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, “I’ll take them.”

Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. “Can I have another pack? This one’s been opened.”

One Liner
How would we measure hail without golf balls?

Thought for the day
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” Matthew 7:7

ALL THREE of these conditions that you have to be the one to initiate it.

 

Humor – July 18

A man was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast.

He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player. The player was known primarily for his lack of IQ, common sense, and good looks.

He turned to his wife: “You know, I’ll never understand why the biggest, ugliest jerks always get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replied, “Why thank you, dear!”

One Liner
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Thought for the day
With my whole heart I seek you.  Let me not wander from your commandments!  Psalm 119:10

We MUST SEEK the Lord and His Word … SEEK implies being intentional ……. being proactive!!