Letter from the Tooth Fairy
at The Tooth Fairy Managed Health Care Company, Inc.

Dear Sammy:
Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to remit prompt payment, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s):
( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the Tooth Fairy
( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth
( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no night light was on at the time of our visit
( ) the snacks provided for the Tooth Fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
[ ] string
[ ] pliers
[ ] gunpowder
( ) other _______________________________________________

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,

“The Tooth Fairy”
The Tooth Fairy Managed Health Care Company, Inc.

One LINER
~ Join the AAAAAA! (American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous)

Thought for the day
“A good man thinks before he speaks” (Proverbs 15:28 LB). “The wise man looks ahead. The fool attempts to fool himself and won’t face facts” (Proverbs 14:8 LB).

Too often, many of our problems arise from acting before thinking.

An older man was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s some idiot driving a car the wrong way on Highway 280. Please be careful!”

“Hazel!” said Herman, “It’s not just one car! There’s hundreds of them!”

One LINER
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Thought for the day
“Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better (Ephesians 4:23 LB).

To succeed, you must do more than cope with change, you must capitalize on it! Every change is an opportunity in disguise. Since you can’t stop change, you must learn to take advantage of it.

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate.

The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

“Did you get hit by the same person?” his captain asked.
“No,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.”

One LINER
~ If a person can be discombobulated, can they be combobulated?

Thought for the day
“Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body” (Romans 12:5 MSG).

You are going to give your life for something. What will it be—a career, a sport, a hobby, fame, wealth? None of these will have lasting significance. Service is the pathway to real significance. It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives.

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”

“Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”

“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once I’ll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.”

“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked.”

One LINER
~ Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Thought for the day
“Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body” (Romans 12:5 MSG).

You are going to give your life for something. What will it be—a career, a sport, a hobby, fame, wealth? None of these will have lasting significance. Service is the pathway to real significance. It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives.

A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game.

Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day.

The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, “PLAY BALL!!!”

One LINER
Never try to drown your sorrows. They can swim.

Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).

Life without meaning and significance is depressing. That’s why God’s solution to Moses, Elijah, Jonah’s depression was to help him see the bigger picture. Perspective is a powerful cure. When they finally understood God’s purpose for their life, their depression faded.

Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn’t talk about his Mother’s cooking, and Eve couldn’t mention all the men she could have married.

One LINER  
Any day above ground is a good day.

Thought for the day  
Psalm 97:10
Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Hate what is evil!!  Evil is here because of the Evil One — the champion of hate, lies, and death. So let’s be courageous and oppose Satan and his work. And pray for those trapped by the Evil one.

What NOT to give her for Valentines Day:

1.  A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2.  Any clothing item with the words “slim-down” on the label.

3.  Any food item with the words “diet”, “light”,  or “high fiber” on the label.

4.  Flowers from a hospital’s gift shop–or worse, a mortuary’s.

5.  Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out “There was once a girl from Nantucket…”

6.  Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.

7.  Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

8.  A gift certificate.

9.  Cash.

10.  Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn’t.

One LINER
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A hog and kisses!

Thought for the day
Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.
Proverbs 18:15 (MSG)

Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing mysterious about being creative. The basic principle of creativity is simply combining two or more known ideas in a new way to create a fresh idea.

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.

“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would blow out the match.”

One LINER
“The interest span of a child is possibly thirty seconds. Higher if throwing food or annoying a small animal is involved.” – Erma Bombeck

Thought for the day
Psalm 119:165
Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.

Have you ever had a clumsy stage of life, this promise is almost beyond believing — nothing can make me stumble! But when it comes to living life, if I know God’s will and love it, I will do it. Then nothing can make me stumble

TOP 10 WAYS TO INTIMIDATE YOUR DAUGHTER’S DATE WHEN HE COMES TO PICK HER UP

10. Sprinkle some dust on your daughter before she leaves. Explain, “It makes fingerprinting easier.”

9. Challenge him at arm wrestling.

8. Introduce him to your good friend Chuck Norris.

7. Walk on stilts.

6. Casually show him your collection of five shrunken heads, then yell up to your daughter, “Number six is here.”

5. Come to the door bare-chested. Do a lot of flexing.

4. Introduce him to the family by calling each family member to the living room using a whistle, then making them stand at attention and salute.

3. Answer the door in a straight jacket.

2. As they leave, talk into a walkie-talkie, “Subject is wearing khakis and a blue polo shirt, driving a green ford.”

1. Say, “Let’s pray.”

One Liner
There are more collect calls on Father’s Day than any other day of the year.

Thought for the day
… To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. Luke 19:26 (NLT)

Jesus requires his disciples to take risks because those risks are the substance of our faith. They stretch us to live by faith instead of living by sight. They stretch us from an independent, self-directed life to one dependent and directed by God.

MEANDERTHALS /me-AN-dur-thols/ noun: aimless, slow-walking pedestrians who mindlessly get in everyone else’s way on sidewalks, stores, in malls, and crosswalks, often while preoccupied with a cell phone.

One Liner
I used to think middle age had to do with age, now I’m finding out it has to do with my middle.

Thought for the day
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7

Does God care about your house payment, your health, whether you are a success or failure in life, your children and the education they get, whether you ever get married or not, about the argument you had with your boyfriend, or about how you feel this morning?  God says, “You bet I care! I am a caring Father.”

Scripture says that God is interested in every little detail of your life.  That’s so incredible I don’t think it even sinks in. God is a caring God.  He is concerned about every little detail in your life.